There will come a time in life when a light bulb will just light up. You will be in the middle of doing something or maybe sitting at some event or whatever it may be.
You will think to yourself. What am I doing here ? Why am I doing this etc.
It’s like you know whatever it is not for you. It’s actually making you feel uncomfortable.
“In trying to please all, he had pleased none.”
Here are some of the signs.
- You are the reliable one to the rescue. When something goes wrong, they just know if they call, you will come. Not only do you come to the rescue, you actually fix the whole situation, without, their help. You’re so generous you do it all they go off & do their thing.
- They make all the decisions. Your opinion is squashed. Eventually, you don’t give one anymore. Instead, you let them make every single decision.
- Sorry is one of your most used words. You apologise for everything.
- Everything you do needs an applause. Clarification from others is what lets you know you did a good job.
- You are always being taken advantage of. Well, you feel like it anyway.
A lot of the time we become people pleaser, due to, childhood. We become accustom to if we want something we have to give something. There was too much demanded from us, not enough attention given to us, a caregiver was mentally ill, narcissistic parent, some form of addiction in the house. This is a very individual experience for every person.
So how do we change ?
- First of all becoming aware is a huge step in the right direction. Would we really accept this kind of s**t if we knew our worth. NOOOOOOOOOO
- You are probably lacking in self believe & self-care. Set off on a journey of self discovery. Whether, by yourself or in groups, workshops. Realise how important you are.
- Learn how to say no. This is a huge one, with the belief instilled that you can’t say no, it makes it, so much hard to do it. However, when you learn this one. Stand back & watch the wake up call you get. It’s like a smack in the face.
- Choice, whats that !!!! Realise you always have one. If you grew up with people who took your choices away as a kid it will stay with you as an adult until you change it.
- When people take us for granted we want to make them happy all the time. Next time, say let me check if I have time or I can’t do it right now. They will either be respectful of your decision or become a complete asshole. Do you really need the second one in your life. Always, ask yourself, do I want to do this or do I feel like I have to.
- Learn self-respect if your don’t respect you neither will anyone else.
People pleasing is like a self validating thing we do to feel worthy. It’s an outside source that can’t make you happy.
Spend time with yourself. Get to know yourself. Find out what you actually like in the world. People please also has a lot to do with not knowing who you are. So start investigating & find your true self.
Read, write, draw, colour, take photos, trips, meet new people. Pamper yourself. Learning how to accept yourself is a great way to let go of people pleasing. You don’t need their validation anymore. 🙂
♥♥ Have a nice day ♥♥