I was out taking photos the other day & came across this tree. I think it perfectly complements my post, if we don’t address the root it will continue to grow & may show itself, in monster form later on in life. Making the weeding process much hard to control.
A narcissist is, someone who suffered some form of childhood adversity, that was never addressed or corrected. Instead, they carried it all the way to adulthood using defence mechanisms, alongside, major coping skills to survive.
They repressed everything, using the mastery of denial. By denying it was happening or ever did, it never did. Now we have a ticking time bomb on a subconscious level. The smallest remark, could trigger them, sending them flying off the wall. At this stage, everything has repressed, in order to protect the mind on a conscious level & they’ve put all the bad stuff asleep.
In CBT, there are 12 distorted thoughts. I believe, a narcissist, suffers from every single one of them. Which would explain, their, irrational view of everything.
This would mean, their mind is off the wall with thoughts, that, a mentally healthy person wouldn’t even think of. And, these distorted thoughts have grown enormous from the malnourishment of them. Sadly, creating a very hurt & disturbed person with a very unhealthy, self – image.
Due to the difficulties they faced in the development stages of life, their emotions have been either, wired incorrectly or shut down completely. How else, can we explain, a human, who suffers such sever self-condemnation that they actually project it into the world in the most outrageous ways possible, even harming their own children in the process. A balanced person who portrays logic, emotional intelligence & understanding would not do any of the things a narcissist does.
It is extremely important to have a strong, positive self – image. Otherwise, it will be harder to succeed in all aspects of life. If an individual sees themselves from a negative perspective that is exactly what they will redirect, everywhere.
A narcissist’s self-image is not genuine, they see, every situation as a masquerade ball by wearing a new mask every time, lying to themselves, and others. This causes high levels of self consciousness and anxiety. This means, they have no Idea who they really are & will do anything to fit in & be accepted.
An original person, however, can adjust to almost any situation without the mask. They don’t feel like they have to fit. While anxiety may still be present it doesn’t take over, they are in synch with reality and who they are.
Finding a balance is key. The narcissistic person wants everyone’s approval & will do anything to get it. The original person understands not everyone gets along & can accept that.
Every situation will be different & no two people are the same, so, I’m not saying that every person who endured a childhood trauma will become a narcissist, everyone has different resilience, it also depends on the level of abuse. I’m just suggesting that there has to be more to it, than just, a bad person.
Nevertheless, it doesn’t make what they do ok under any circumstances, considering how cruel they can be to even their children. I believe this is because of their lack of emotions, especially, empathy. It’s impossible to be a human, who characterises compassion within humanity, without it.
I suppose it could be said, that anyone who has any of the traits associated with the personality disorder or ones of a similar symmetry, in abnormal ways are the monsters the fairy tales warned us about. However, they don’t live under they bed, they sleep in it.
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
Written By Siobhan