Self pity is the most self-defeating human behaviour that could possibly exist on the planet. When we self – pity what we are actually doing is destroying ourselves, literally. All because we have become accustom to using our minds the wrong way.
It can happen because of a number of things like, listening to parents, care – givers or other older people doing it, then we start and boom you just became a clone & didn’t even realise it. Or, didn’t get your needs met growing up so start to become self – destructive in order to get the attention you craved growing up but instead of getting it you are creating a very unhealthy path for yourself.
Our mind used incorrectly is all it takes to extinguish our own fire & become the worst version of ourselves. That is what self – pity is, it is your mind looking for all of the ways it can destroy your passion for life.
Yes, someone may have done something to you or said something to you but what happens next is not about them, it is about you. You can choose whether or not you are going to let something or someone else control your life or are you going to be the one in control. Really, self – pity has nothing to do with your circumstances, people or any of that, it is all about you & what you think about them, it is your very own mind that is creating the misery, nothing else.
Yes, something terrible may have happened in your life but how you are going to let it affect you, is your choice. I’m not being an asshole here ok; I know there are things in life that may have happened to people that should never have happened or you may be the other side who done things that you shouldn’t have done, either way, constantly pressing replay is not going to change them. Nothing is going to change them, they happened and can never be changed, ever. The only thing that can now be changed about them is your viewpoint and attitude towards them. Because, that viewpoint will determine how you live the rest of your life. Whether, you decide to change or stay in the mind frame for the rest of your life. By, wallowing in this awful place you give all of your power away.
If you wake up every morning and say “oh another crappy day” I can guarantee you, that is exactly what you are going to have, a really crappy day because you told yourself so before you began.
See the problem with self – pity is, it is not obvious to the one who is actually in the depths of it. They believe everyone else is the problem. When in reality, they are the ones who complain about everything they possibly could complain about and for what? A momentary burst of happiness they feel when they passively complain about their unhappiness. Instead of actually dealing with it and being happy, they have become accustomed to passively complaining about everything & everyone, When they are the cause of their own misery. Usually, the problem with this is they don’t understand that because they have spend soooooooooooooo much time on the negative it has become engraved & to change this they need to grind the stone back to smooth. Yeh, I know a lot of raw hard work but so worth the time & effort in the end.
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
Usually, when someone is in that mind frame something is eating them up inside. Whether it be something from childhood, a bad experience, whatever it is. Until, they process everything that goes with it they can’t move forwards. It will continue to eat them up and control their every single move in life until they take back control.
Just like a coffee machine that hasn’t been emptied in a very long time, unless it gets cleaned, it can’t do its job properly. That is exactly what happens to us when we don’t check in on ourselves from time to time & clean out all of the stale emotions & feelings that we no longer need. Just like an onion, the layers make it very hard to reach the core without crying.
Another big problem with self – pity is, it can also be the case that the person who self – pities is very nasty. They don’t mean to be but it is so much easier to say something nasty & push people away than it is open that raw wound and let it all spill out. It’s the fear of daring to let anyone see the real you. Lets be honest, a lot of us are wearing masks to fit in but fitting in is what makes us unhappy to begin with. Don’t fit it, do the work on yourself find out who you really are & stand out.
The healthy man does not torture others – generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers
So my final words is if you are someone who suffers from self – pity admit it to yourself & realise there are so many nicer ways to live in this world than blaming others for your misery. Take responsibly for yourself & change from who you don’t want to be, to who you do. The hardest thing you will ever do in life is take responsibly for yourself but it will be so worth it.
Have a lovely Day
Written By Siobhan