Do you put your focus on you or on what others might be thinking about you and what you SHOULD be doing? If it is number two, your are in big trouble because, you are then chained to them & their thoughts.
What I mean by this is, you are actually allowing people who should have no insight into your life have way more. I believe sometimes we have a tendency to do this because we are unsure of who we are or what we stand for.
Instead we put the ball in everyone else’s court and hope they can play for us. Which is a huge mistake, you have to play for yourself. Also by putting the ball in their court, you are letting people see how vulnerable you can be about yourself. Leaving yourself wide open to a lot of negativity & hurt.
Now don’t get me wrong, vulnerability is a great asset for you to have but not when you show it to the wrong people. Unfortunately, they will do nothing other than take full advantage of you because of what you have shown them.
Say for example you have a new “friend” who comes across as a great listener and a caring person. Then while chatting they throw in a few negative comments or stories about others, just to keep the conversation going.
Maybe they are unaware of their behaviour but, that is not your problem & you should not have to be exposed to it. See people who do this, do it so often that, it comes naturally to them, its like a second language. And, let me tell you, if they have done it with you, you can be very sure, they are going to do it about you. Especially, regarding those vulnerable bit you’ve shared.
Ok so I’m all for giving chances, forgiving people & all of that but in reality when a person talks about other people in a negative way they are doing it because they have always done it, believe them. And believe me, you are not going to change that, they have to see it to change it themselves.
So the moral of the story is if you are going to surround yourself with people like this you are going to be disappointed a lot because you will have a lot of focus to put into all the wrong places. Whether you are around a negative judgemental person once a week or all of the time it doesn’t matter, it is going to have a huge effect on you because you will always be focusing on what they are thinking, about you. Instead of realising what they think of you is actually not important or more importantly is none of your business 🙂
You have to walk away from these kinds of people or situations or you will spend a lot of your valuable time focusing on all the wrong things in your life. You can’t have a happy fulfilled life if your focus is not on you at all times. Not in a selfish way, in a way that you know how important you are before anyone else has the nerve to even give their opinion on you.
“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
You have to teach yourself how to focus on what benefits you & your life. Ask yourself theses questions
- Are you where you want to be right now, if not, why? What is stopping you or holding your back?
- What do you have to do to get to where you need to be in your life in order to feel really happy?
- Am I surrounded by the right people? If not, can you limit your contact if they need to stay in your life? It’s not selfish to cut the rope if is negatively effecting your life ye know.
- Are you doing what you want to do or what you think you should be doing based on what others think?
- Finally, what do you stand for & do you honour it ?
Have a lovely week
Written By Siobhan